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burned frozen colds
(2000-11-15) 01:07:40

What are really my true feelings? I realized feelings are really illusions.. the direct reflection of emotions we make.. We have the ability to make manipulate the emotions so it might appear happier or more sad even if the situation isnt anywhere near that.. I wish I could make everything about my life be happier..

I know I can since I was so happy by the last months of freshmen year, I almost forgot what sadness was like.. Now, I've lost the hope of regaining that same happiness.. but all I want is a relief from this lost feeling.. Its hard since I dont know what I want.. so I wouldnt know what to do.

I think reading "The House of Spirits" triggered this feeling by those feelings of not being loved in the marriages. Theres also the unnatural love the sister-in-law had for the girl.. It almost made me cry when Clara said that she was the only person that had ever loved her.. because everyone else saw her as a strange quiet person in her own world.. practicing her clairvoyant powers. Not even her husband loved her even though he had a strange need for her. Of course I knew it was just a book, but I took it all personally..

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