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death disturbing visions
(2000-12-30) 02:40:25

I wish I could be unselfish.. but I guess I just live up to Thomas Hobbes' theory.. I am just... an educated virgin. (oops.. been listening to Sleepwalker by Wallflowers for too long..) By the way, my napster name is kaelyca.. so if you want to see my playlist (its rather small now since I just got it).. go ahead..

Anyway. My brother and I are home alone [again]. My mother had gone off to Eric/Jason's house and I wasnt desperate enough to go with her. (Okay, that didnt sound right.. but you know..) So Im listening to Stellar by Incubus.. haha, too bad for my brother whos stuck listening to it. *sigh* I cant believe I wasted yet another day.. I've accomplished nothing at all.

Meanwhile, I've been having disturbing visions.. Im not really sure if it was a dream or just a sudden vision. Nevertheless, I have the image in my head. It began with my grandmother's legs and feet. Strange as it may sound, it was just her bottom legs that made me recognize her. I didnt really look up at her, because I didnt dare too. I already knew what she looked like, and I didnt want to see her again. Because then, I realized that she wasn't alive and it was just a part of my mind. I felt sad all over again because I knew I was never going to see her in that form (standing) again. I felt that she was watching over me.. maybe she is..

My parents told me that grandmother had appeared in their dreams.. and that they had completed a dream with my grandmother in it... that she was telling them what she wanted to do. So Im not really sure what to believe anymore. Logic just doesnt fit with the unknown. No one knows what happens. Sometimes I wonder why Im really afraid to die.. is it because of fear of the unknown.. or because of my life now being ended? Although I have disturbing visions of me dying from time to time.. I kept trying to eliminate that from my thoughts, but it keeps coming. Why the hell is it there? *shudders*

Okay. Apparently, we're going to their house again. The same house we went to for Thanksgiving.. and Christmas party four days ago. Should I return the bracelet? I dont really know whats the big deal, but its bothering me. He probably wont be there anyway.. probably has to work. But still, it looks like Im going to see a lot of the family from now on, seeing the circumstances. Im just surprised that we havent seen more of them before..But lalaa, they're fun.

Anyway.. you people all have to go visit Katrina with her newly design domain delitescent.net because I said so. Make sure you use IE though :)

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