index� archives� notes� profile� rings� design� diaryland

I sometimes wonder how people could possibly know that I exist. I see myself so unbearably quiet sometimes that it scares me. It's not like I'm so silent that I don't talk. But just not enough. I just like observing people. I'm a listener. I don't talk if it's not necessary. So, my conclusion is that I am so quiet that people notice me.

At least, some. I remember in seventh grade, when I was in a period of wild and crazy behavior, a boy came up to me and said, "I remember you. Didn't you used to be always so quiet and all?" So, that's when I knew I wasn't unknown. I actually was. Oh, I do exist to people... because I was so quiet. They must think that something is wrong.

I know. Because sometimes I don't think I exist. How can I be a person? This person that's so separate... and different from everyone else? Gradually.. I see that everyone has the same view point I have. We're all people that only see others, not ourselves.

Tuesday is madness. Lazy is the word. When doing nothing is something.. as if that really makes sense. I can't DO anything. I only have two real classes tommorow anyway.

I think I can always tell my mood by the way I treat junk mail. I always have this pink screen pop up with I have new mail. Sometimes I'd be excited to have mail, only to have it destroyed, seeing that it's junk mail. Today, I am mildly amused when I see the email screen. I guess I expected someone else's mail. I think I shall discontinue my other email accounts. But I have become aware that my normal one has been junk-mailed as well. Okay. Well, too bad.

I sat next to Adr today, and it bothers me.. not because of him, but the way he looks at things. He always want to make something out of nothing. I pulled a dictionary to check up a word, and he inquires, "Why are you reading a French dictionary?" Excuse me? How am I reading a French dictionary? I'm just checking a word. And he replies, "Well, if you're checking up a word, aren't you reading it?" No. And he got bored and left. Great.

I wonder how people get these impressions of me inside their heads. I was all happy since I finished my oxidations worksheet a while ago, and this guy asked me how to do it. So I explained so efficiently that he looked at me oddly. He says, "Do you have help from your brother or something?" I'm like, what the hell? What, do I look dumb or something? Yeah, I know I'm just pretending to be smart, but he doesn't have to know :) The fact is I understand. And it has nothing to do with a brother.

And then there are people that seem surprised (at school, not so much as online people) that I am into graphics design. So what, I am a girl. And I like to make pretty pictures. It may not be pretty flower pins, bracelets and whatnot, but I still like eye-grabbing things. And it just so happens that its on a computer. It seems as if this whole thing is beyond a girls' territory? No. I am NOT stereotyping, but girls tend to lean more toward graphics and the web interface as they get into this web stuff, but boys dig in the technical things. Tell me that it's not true. I've been into this for 2 years, and only NOW I have begun to learn about cgi scripts, php, and all those other good stuff.

I still don't understand about the domain server and stuff. I don't know how it works. I asked hostingsupport.com today, because they host the comatised server. They replied so quickly.. it was quite amazing. I asked about the custom 404 page and why it doesn't work. I realized that it only worked in NETSCAPE, which was odd. It does not work in Internet Explorer.. neither 5.01 or 5.5. It was not only my weirdly configured computer either. I asked my dear friend to check, and HERS doesn't work either. Yeah. The technical person answered that he checked and nothing was wrong. So I don't know.. hmm. I could have sworn that it worked before. Really.

On a side note.. a really side note because its off the subject of web things, I FOUND my french book. Look at my little smile :D Yeah. I've been freaking out about it since I haven't seen it in like 2 weeks. That's how long I haven't been doing my French work. Heh, bad little me. But that's okay though because we didn't do that much book work. We just kept doing the film thing, and such. I went in to the portable during lunch and made her try to dig through a box to find it. I saw part of the book cover and I shrieked because I know MY drawing.

And I met someone. Ha ha. But that's okay though.. because the last times, I didn't even mention it because they're merely just in the background of my main scenes. It's funny to say why I am mentioning this, but I like to look at him. Possibly because he is someone's friend.. someone's INseparable friend. Whenever I see him, I see him too. I don't think I shall write another explanation. Laziness is catching up to me again.

previous & next