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It's official. I am a freak. I've got a whole family of freaks. But wait, no, they're quite normal. I just happened to grow in a normal family being brought up a freak.

I was feeling a bit absentminded (who knows what I was thinking about) and I started picking up fuzz cotton balls off my black/red jacket one by one. Those little evil things bother me. I think I've got a mild form of OCD, you know that disorder with obsession with order of things and such.

And before I go to sleep, I have to get my room semi cleaned. I cant go to sleep in a clutter. The thing is, I don't actually "clean" my room.. at least not in the traditional way.. whatever that means. Well, I just kind of rearrange everything until it looks a bit neater. I don't actually put anything away. I never ever just stuff everything under my bed or closet unless its in a bit of a orderly manner. Because I'd always get the sense that its messy and I'm lazy so I never get to it.

If you ever see my room, you'll see that its still messy. Everything is just there.. lying out. There's just too much, and I hate putting it away where I cant see it. You know, its kind of like my problems. I hate putting my problems aside, because I want to know what my problems are. The problem is, of course, I still don't do anything about it. Naturally it drives me insane. So, therefore, I am a freak.

I'd say, yes, I would get to my problems. And when I actually start doing something about it, I'd realize how MUCH my problems are. I think I make the problems. You know when you clean, you discover things in your clutter of things you'd never find if you havent started cleaning? Well, thats how it is..

Its been bothering me a while, but here I am writing it. This metaphor of the way you clean your room and problems was actually brought up by my friend but I realized how true it was. Because really, the clutter is a problem.. it's an example of what I do. And there's also others who doesnt care at all about the cleanliness of their rooms. But my room is the only place in the whole house that is really mine.. its my world and I can control it.

And.. I cant stand it being messy. At least it can be a bit satisfactory to my tastes. I'd even spend hours picking up dust if it dissatisfies me. You know me, a freak.

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