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magically new design
(2001-05-31) 10:06 p.m.

Yeah.. I have a new layout... obviously. It's supposed to be out on June first, but who wants to wait? Certainly not me. I don't want to see that "sweet sixteen" layout any longer. It had been.. sweet. Too sweet. I thought I'd like a dark background. So I made this magical type thing, complete with purple stars.

For some reason it doesn't look quite right. Maybe I've stared at it for too long. (groans) I swear, I'm never satisfied with anything I make. I was so proud of it when I first created it.. but now, I only see faults in it. Like how the menu thingy sticks out too much.

And I shouldn't even have spent so much time. It's a hot day's craziness.. I have no sense in me at all. I should actually study for History or something. Arrghh.. we have a map test.. and something about those South African pass laws and such. *smacks head* Gosh. And I had wasted all this time. I have NO sense at all. I already have a C+... and I'm going to suffer even more.

Things that I should be doing in the next five minutes:
1) French "Au Revoir, Les Enfants" questions.. and the worksheet thingy
2) Chem worksheet.. if I can.
3) History studyyy...
4) More SAT words

Yes. I WILL get to it, I swear. (sigh) Maybe I actually will give up sleeping. No. I think I'd fall DEAD. I'm going to collapse any second. Maybe I'll just go to sleep now and forget about all of this. I can't do anything right now. What's more important? My health or my schoolwork? That's kind of hard to say, isn't it? Because well, I'd probably be killed if I don't do well.. so I guess the result is the same. Painful conclusion either way.. oh well.

I can't believe I'm doing this to myself. But I already have.. right? I can only say that this all will be over. And another round of classes will come.. Yes. It all goes in a cycle. I don't want to know anymore. I think I'll just go and get away for a while. Evil computer. It consumes too much of my time. Why am I even writing this?

It's strange though.. we didn't run in PE. I was trying to come up with thousands of excuses why I'm not going to run today.. and it's legitimate because my toe really hurts against the tip of my sneakers. (I wore sandals today so I couldn't tell it hurt before.) But for some reason, all the things I've come up with were so lame.. but then we ended up just staying in the gym. Whoo. It kind of hurt to play badminton though. I was kind of limping, but that's okay. It's better than running outside in the burning hot weather.

Did I mention how HOT it was today? And I thought yesterday was hot. Actually.. it might be the same temperature, except today seems hotter because I have PE. Yeah, but I don't not like it. It feels so close to the summer vacation.. so I have that hope that this pain will be all over soon. No more worries about grades and stuff. I am almost glad that I am almost the forgotten one in my family. I don't think my grandfather knows I exist anymore. That's good.. because I don't want him to know exactly how BADLY I am doing. He just notices my brother.. because well, he IS the only son of his only son. That makes sense, right? They're all so happy that he won a scholarship thingy.

But I am a dumb person who doesn't get any awards or anything. The only thing I am good at is probably procrastinating, but that's hardly a thing that you get an award for. And also spending so much time on useless things. Oh, I am an expert at that. *snickers* I don't know how I managed to stand myself over all these years.

I stink. Literally.

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