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Its the same familiar rush everytime I see them. I think everyone's the same to me.. No matter if they're female or male, or cousin or friend. They're all people.. no matter whats the relation. Is it possible love someone so much that you hate them? The same person you've known forever.. the shadows of everyone you see.. the reflections suddenly appears and frightens you but suddenly you realize its not him. So thats how psychotic I can be..

I hate the human concept of love. Theres no such thing as love if thats how we describe it. I cant tell the difference, but I only know I feel a special bond. I couldnt remember why I feel this way.. maybe there isnt a need for a reason. I think that breakthrough in my mind is so rare that I mistake it for something else. Nevertheless, the feeling remains... although there might not be an explanation, there is a reason.

I've known these people for so many years... but I still dont know anything about them. They still seem like the same guys as they had been in 6th grade.. and even before. Theres nothing about them that interests me any more because their familiar presence brings the past years we've all had together. Yet.. after all these years, I've barely spoken two words to them, ignoring whats past. Even the friends I've made changed so much that I dont think I know them at all. I think its from a result of my changes too.. I used to care about school and push myself in school.. and I'd understand everything, while the others look to me for help. Now, its the other way around. Tiffany, who had always been on the same level as me, suddenly knows more than me and aces all the tests. I was appalled at the level I've sunk to, but I realized it doesnt have to do with her..

So the struggle begins with myself.

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