numb sad sleepiness
(2000-11-10) 12:19:30
Its late.. after midnight and I still cant get myself to sleep. I know, I'm probably sleepy but I need to write. Theres too many things in my head. Confusion. Jealousy. Lostness. What else? I haven't even told anyone about how I feel since no one is in my position. No one knows what it feels like with the two opposite forces.. the feelings attacking each other. And the death that suddenly made us attend a funeral which I've never been to.. but the preparation was clear in everyones mind. My mother showed me that paper. In a small section of the newspaper.. there was funeral announcements.. and ours was the largest announcement in the entire page. She said that we wanted everyone to know the significance of the funeral.. and how much it meant to us.. She read it to me and I found my name listed on there under "grand-daughter" It freaked me out at first seeing it all in front of me and with everyone talking so freely about death. I dont know what I'm saying. I only know that this depression had so long, it paralyzed me... so I'd feel nothing at all..
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