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My eyes keeps going cross-eyed. It can't seem to focus very well. Is it just because it's just an extremely hot day? Or is it because I am tired? Either way, I feel really disoriented and dead. And when haven't I felt this way? Such an inane question, I know. I feel so disgusted with myself.

Today is such a beautiful day though. It's scaldingly hot, and yet I love the heat penetrating through my skin. I could feel its effect on me. Its making me forget my worries, and start over. The sun seemed to encourage me. It seemed to sooth me, saying that it's alright. But I've made so many mistakes that I'm immune to this, which isn't so great. I'm confused with this sudden happiness and sadness at the same time. Of course if give a chance, I'd be happy. But. I can't just make myself be happy.

I've bandaged three of my fingers. Just because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to see the spots of red, and be tempted to scratch the affected area. It's disgusting. It looks like the chicken pox nightmare all over again. Except this time, I only have it on my fingers. I don't understand. WHY is it only on my fingers. I've inspected my arms and all.. and nothing. I've concluded that it's some kind of fungal type thing, but it doesn't matter. I can't find any anti-fungal cream or anything. Oh well. Maybe it will go away.. since I'm making myself not poke at it. Maybe that's the problem in the first place. Right.

I held 3 ice cubes and alternated it between my two hands. My sore hands of wonder. I showed my dear mother my chicken-pox-look-alike of an infection and she gasped. She's like, "WHAT did you use?" She thinks I had some allergic reaction to a chemical and whatnot. I said no, I didn't use anything I don't normally use. Well, I mean.. I used that astrigent cleaner thing for "preventing" the breakout of pimples, and then that face cleaner. That's all. Yeah. It's all on my face. So why is it all on my hands? If it's the products that I use, then wouldn't I have it on my face? Well, I don't. So there.

But then, I know. It doesn't cure this.. growing monster. Yuck. It smells horrible too. Wait, is that just my illusion? Ugh. I can't tell anymore. I don't even want to know.

Nothing is ever right. I'm walking numbly into everything, thinking about nothing. What's the real point of thinking when everything I do is still wrong? Wrong, wrong, wrong. I don't get how I can always do something wrong. Always. I'm not even kidding. Like for today's poetry project for world literature. I love that class. I really do. Except that I'm confused so often that I never know what I am doing. I know. I could have prevented this confusion by actually asking around and reading instructions (ooh, such a foreign thing, I know.) and yet it never crosses my mind. So I'm stuck with a shallow grade and I'm pissed at everything besides myself. I feel sorry for anyone that crosses my path.

So, I argued with the history teacher about what a stamp should look like. Actually, I didn't. I didn't want to.. I mean.. think about it. Arguing about what a stamp looks like? Kind of pointless. But anyway. It's for the stamp project. My partner and I were supposed to make this poster look like a huge stamp. And guess what? The teacher took a lovely two points off for it not look like a stamp because only two sides were perforated. Great. So my partner demanded those points back because she wants this project to be perfect since we spent so much time on it. Actually, SHE did. She loved this project.. she was so interested. So I guess it irked her that we didn't get full credit.

What does the teacher say? Well, in her words: "Don't argue!" Teachers don't want to deal with this. Arguing about what a stamp looks like. Yeah. But you know how there's those newer kind of stamps.. those sticker ones? Well those have only two sides perforated! But I guess she doesn't think that's a "real" stamp. Oh, please. It is TOO a real stamp (ugh I sound like such a little whiny kid, heh.) since we actually intend to use these stamps to mail letters. Wow. All of a sudden she denies the existances of sticker stamps. Hey, they've been around for quite a while now. Pssha.

Yeah. I have a C+ in her class. That's why I need all the points I can get. Now we're starting another project. This time, it's worth 60 points, I think. Okay. I'm working with Rosa again too. Yay. But then, we have to work with another guy, one that I barely know. I worked with him once though and he did not do ANYTHING. We were supposed to meet to do research and put together a debate thingy, but he never showed up. Great. Oh well. Somehow, we're going to make him do something. I like Rosa's idea of doing animals. She could act as the animal in the wilderness.. which might be a creek or some kind of desolent field. Not that there's many near where we are right now. It's so hot these days.. Hmm. But then again, Africa's really dry right? Not the rain forest parts... well, umm, save the thought for later.

More work now. Alright. You must all go visit Katrina because she's back and all. Welcome back :)

Oh yeah, I forgot. There's this site I stumbled over, Habbo Hotel. It's a 3D-ish chat thing. Although it's for "young people in the UK" as it states, its basically for all... even if the money is through pounds. But whatever. I checked it out. It's interesting.. but I had no one to talk to as usual =(

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