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I just wrote a monster of an entry and I felt sickened. Dammit, it felt like I was trying to prove myself something. Like there really IS anything to prove. Pointless arguing again.

I don't care if I am beautiful or not. I DON'T care.. ugh. Not anymore. I'm so tired of this. Because if I don't care about anything, it probably wouldn't hurt so much when people decide that I am not good enough. I'd think that it's okay, since I KNOW that I wasn't good enough in the first place.

Watch me dance around in the middle of the street while everyone gawks at me. If you do happen to see someone doing that, it might just be me.

Well, not really. I'm always having these strange fantasies of insane things that I am never going to do. But it's great to think about anyway. Especially since I really am incapable of doing half the things I think about. Maybe you don't want to know, but I will just hint about it just to make you nervous. It involves the sky and a rope. Nah. I'm just making it up.

I don't think my skin is getting any better. I think the swelling has come down, but maybe it's because I've stop poking at it so much. But I could barely see my real skin anymore. My mother had the nerve to say that I've infected her too, but this infection is ONLY on the hands and feet. And she was staring at her arm and saw this small little red spot. Has she seen what it REALLY looks like? How could she scream at me to take the medications, when I am the one who's suffering.. she's not the one with the infection. She does not know how it feels. Arrgh.

So being educated in Chemistry, I dumped lemon juice over my hands. Yes, lovely ACIDIC liquid which would "neutralize" the base. I guess I did learn something after all in that class. I guess I did absorb something after studying for quite a while. Ha ha. I don't know if it worked though. I could still see the patterns and it still looks bad. I really do hope that it's not eating away my hand. Hmm.

So anyway. I came back from watching "Josie and the Pussycats". Yeeaaah. Whoo. It's the funniest and most outrageous movie I've seen in.. well, forever. That last thing I saw that's kind of like this was that Spice Girls movie like three years ago.. and that sucked like hell. Maybe because the Spice Girls had actually been a real band? And they're sticky teen pop. Anyway. I love the music in "Josie and the Pussycats". I want the movie soundtrack now. Part of my birthday wish collection of nothing.

Let's see. A list of what they DELIBERATELY tried to advertise (that I can remember): McDonald's, MTV, Target, Street Wear, Evian.. damn. What else is there? Well, I wasn't paying that much attention, but pretty much everything. I remember Valerie holding that Target dog. Cute. Carson Daly and the "fake" TRL. Ha ha. Then there's the mentions of the lost musical groups. Of course.. the Spice Girls. It's all about the subliminal messages. It's a weird spin on the music industry. Now I'm obsessed with it. :D

I wasn't going to see a movie today. My dad wanted to go, and both my mother and I felt sorry for him because no one else wanted to go, so we just went. We ended up seeing different movies because.. well, we just ended up that way. Even though I was supposed to see "Someone Like You", I just crept in to see "Josie and the Pussycats" because I had to wait for "Someone Like You" to start. But I ended up liking "Josie and the Pussycats" a lot, so I just stayed.. even if it had already started playing for like 20 minutes. It's okay. I got the gist of it. It sort of did scare me about the music industry, but I knew that they were making fun of it. That movie ended up finishing earlier than the others, so I just went and watched the ending of "Someone Like You". Bleh. Yet ANOTHER romantic comedy. It's kind of sweet though. But still, they're all the same.

Anyway. Go to this entry about the truth of California. It's not funny making fun of us, poor little creatures waiting for blackouts. You try taking a test in the dark and failing. I wish that would have happened during the poetry readings.. because we turned off the lights anyway. We had CANDLES. Yeah. Like I said. I'm proud of the state. I happen to live here too =D

I just saw my palms in the reflection of the light. For a second, it looked SCALY. That's just scary. I was sad earlier because it had grown so stiff that it was really HARD for me to play piano. I kept stumbling over the keys. Well, it's going away. (sigh) Okay. Good night.

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