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j'ai seize ans maintenant
(2001-05-24) 10:37 p.m.

Joyeux anniversaire.. joyeux anniversaire..

Yes, it had been a wonderful day. Not too perfect, but not too horrible either. Thank you all for wishing me a nice birthday and all.. It was more than those people at school whom I have never talked to before. And the first thing they say to me would be "Happy birthday".. like if I had no birthday, they'd never say anything. Okay, I know, I'm stupid and selfish and all sorts.

But I am just observing. I am not mad. Not that life as a 16 year old is any different from being 15. I probably wanted to be different more than life is naturally different. But what did I expect? That suddenly life would just change? No. I'd think that it'd go the other direction. More problems.

I wore that dress that my mother picked out for me at Ann Taylor. It was so plain, but I love it to death.. because like I said, I am a very plain person.. much like this layout I made ;D It was also made in the same country that I was born in, which is just so amazing. (haha, not) I also wore these Esprit maryjanes. It was just too pretty. Ms. Stenseth asked who left the balloons at the back of the room. I said that it's mine.. and she's like, ooh, happy birthday, and oh yeah, pretty shoes too. Strange.

But still, I know that she's evil. I swear.. no one really knew about that test. = Oh well. Whatever.. I failed, big surprise. Now I'm still going to be stuck with a C+ in that class. Isn't it just horrible to be failing for the first time (in this South Africa unit) on one's birthday? Yes. I got an exact 50%. How nice.

It's alright though, because I got an 100% on a math test.. the one that I was so freaked out over before. I actually did all the homework and such, so I understand the material. Although.. I seriously did not know how to do two problems on the test. I had to guess... and amazingly, I guessed right. So everyone thought I was smart.. but I, in fact, was not. I just happened to be really lucky. I was even more lucky today too.. because he made a problem extra credit. So I got six points extra credit. Now, if only I can have an A in that class..

We had to do the GSE for Chemistry.. just the lab part today. I was already freaked out at first glance. There is individual labs equipment and such for everyone. There was a board separating each of us so we wouldn't copy each other and all. But it wasn't so horrible, considering that I don't know anything about Chemistry. The lab was all about reaction rates.. about catalysts and blah blah blah. I just wrote just stupid bs about how catalysts lower the activation energy required to make a reaction.. haha. At least I didn't leave the space blank.

Any new-age resolutions? Why, of course. Here's my list:

1) Thou shalt not be ignorant. No more of this, "But I didn't knooooowww..."
2) Sacrifice.. instead of lying around doing nothing in order to avoid work.
3) This ties in with #1, but pay attention in class..
4) Family & friends. People that I care about..
5) Take risks. I think my best accomplishments.. the things that I am most proud of was made my risks..

Okay, that's all. I KNOW that it's not very long.. but I would HATE to make a long list and be sad because I can't achieve all. And with even such a short list.. I still don't think I'd achieve it all. Not the sacrifice part anyway.. At least, not very well. I've only really done it like twice ever since I could remember.. The other times, I'd just give in to the moment's pleasure. Just doing nothing.

Knowing me, I'd probably not do anything. I guess that a little part of me is hoping that I'd all of a sudden change. After all, I've grown an year older. I know that I HAVE changed since I had turned fifteen. But it doesn't feel like much. I felt like I've gained 10 years' worth of experience though. I have learned so much about the evils of boys. The hardship of life itself. I found out what really annoyed me.. and discovered my own morals to follow. I found myself more. Maybe that's how I've changed since last year? I still have no direction though. I'm just following along with everyone. Ha. I don't even know if I am going in the right direction.. what if they are misleading? Of course, I'd never know. I'm a follower. I wander.

Oh, I forgot to say this earlier. I'm leaving for the whole weekend. In fact, I'm leaving tommorow (right after school).. so you won't see me online or anything.. I wanted to sneak online at school or something, and scan in my birthday cards ;) I thought that they were interesting, because these two were actually hand decorated... I thought that I'd like to share and all.

Letters to Cleo is so amazing. I love Shamala ;) She was the one that bought me this album... They are alternative.. but for some reason, they sound a bit like country (on some songs) to me. But I like country, so its okay. Now, all I need to get is the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack. Too bad that they're sold out..

Well, I shall leave with a big fat thank you to alllll.. for making my life joyous and stuff. Yeah. It almost makes up for all the bad stuff. Whatever that may be :D

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