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unhooking another star
(2001-05-29) 11:58 p.m.

I don't know why I am still here writing. Oh well. I just am, that's all.

I wasn't going to since I went away from the evil computer and was reading "I Was a Teenage Fairy" by Francesca Lia Block (from Shamala).. and I did finish reading it. And afterwards, I continued to work on my history T-notes thing which was such a pain to do.. since I was interrupted every few seconds by some.. ignorant people. (myself included..) It took nearly an hour to finish. And that's all I did. Great.

Anyway. Isn't it strange that I was that little faerie in "A Midsummer Night's Dream" as mentioned in the book? I loved acting then. Even though it wasn't much of acting. I just get to dance around like a magical nymph or something. With toe socks.. and so many bubbles. I don't think they have those bubbles or toe socks with bells back in those Shakespearean days but people get the point. I just have this whole long line and its done. I orginally did NOT audition for this part. I tried out for another one.. but the instructor person asked me to read for this part, and she just told me to play it. Yeah. I'm a natural faerie person.

I lied to my parents the opening night so they wouldn't come. Ha ha. I didn't want them to see me acting like an idiot on stage. Only my teachers and friends get to see that ;D Yeah. That had been the fun times where we did so many impromptus. And short skits of course. Like how Jess and I did a short scene from "Romeo and Juliet".. where I acted as the nurse and she was Juliet. She awaited the news from Nurse who has just went to find information from Romeo. I just remember, "He's not the flower of courtesy... but as gentle as a lamb." Or something. Oh. It was more than two years ago... bleh.

Ohgosh. I feel so sick. I hope I don't have that stomach bacterial infection thingy my brother had a while ago. I always thought I had a strong stomach.. but I guess I don't really.. Even so, I always just ate what I wanted. And there had been no problems. Now I feel this sharp burning pain at random times. Actually the burning is forever.. but I'm confused if it's just the food that hasn't digested or the continuing pain. Errgh. I don't waaaant to go to school. Even if school starts at 9:15am tommorow. Excuse me for being a bit whiny. I'm still quite annoyed with everything.

Yes.. my parents have been nagging me about the SATs again. It's like.. umm.. WHO'S going to take the tests? Well, of course me. How can they say how hard or simple it is when they have never taken it? And who's going to take the consenquences if I do badly? Me. Who's going to die on the streets if I do badly? Me. Maybe they could complain about their work.. but why are they complain about MY tests to me? Now, I'm just pushing it away.. which isn't such a great thing considering I'll be taking it in four days. Damn. I'm screwed. What a surprise they'll get when they see my scores...=

That's how I destroy myself. I can't accept anything around me. I could probably accept my parents in some way.. but I don't allow myself to be taken in by their ideas.. but well.. they're WRONG. Hahahaaa.. well, maybe not completely. At least I can say that. But not only that.. I don't accept myself. I don't see myself in this world. I just go along with everything. And maybe that's why I always feel like I'm missing something? That's just how it is. Although, maybe I accept my friends. Well.. what's "accepting" anyway? A real friend doesn't owe anything.. so I don't EVER feel like something's wrong.. like I had forgotten something. Although sometimes they become too much a part of me.. when they hurt, I hurt.. (sigh) I get more involved with THEIR problems than my own.

Now I'm kind of worried about one of my friends because she's so confused and depressed. I don't know her that well.. but well enough to know her family situation.. and I don't know whether to comfort her or do something else. She says that a friend asked her to do drugs and she's really sad. What's hard is that she doesn't show it most of the time. So I doubt that half of the people that she knows knows about how sad she really is. = Theres not only her.. but others as well. A pattern here? (cough)

Now I'm annoying myself. Ugh. Teenage angst. Go away.

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