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Vacation is *finally* here..until next year... yaaaaaaay! Is that loud enough? I think I've waited for this day since the first day I realized that I was going to die in those newly transferred classes. Although Im released from those classes.. I had these two weeks to learn chemistry all over or else Im going to strangle myself.

I decided for myself yesterday that I was going to wear a bright orange plaid overshirt today.. Not only did I wear that, but I also grabbed my childish sparkly pink knit cap. It had a long poof ball that stretched.. so I tied it up. I hung it over my head and according to my friends, I 'dont look like myself'. But thats okay.. I didnt feel like myself today either. I wasnt feeling anything at all. It was a mixture of happiness and delirism. The only thing on my mind was.. 'school's out in 6 hours.. school's out in 5... 4... 3.. 2.. 1..' I was relieved that the teachers actually gave us a break.. it was a relatively easy day.. The tension seemed temporarily relieved.

I have on the bottled emotions "hopeful" nail polish on.. and the scent is all over me. I thought I could somehow wipe the scent off into my skin.. but then its nail polish. I realized that I havent put on nail polish since the beginning of the school year.. but I broke that yesterday when I was done wrapping my presents. It was late.. and I was already half asleep by the time I finished. The product were messy and the tapes were out of order. The tape just *happened* to run out the moment I reached my last presents.. so I had to borrow long tapes from my previous presents.. and still, I dont have enough gifts to pass around. I knew I had to wrap them anyway since I love the joy of them guessing what the present may be. Only Edi and Shami gave me presents thats wrapped. Edi made me open hers.. and so only Shami's remained unopened. I like surprises :)

Everyone seemed to be more high class this year.. no usual candy cane only presents.. or chocolate. Lani gave everyone individually baked cakes.. Creative? Then Jess gave out white carnations. So instead of those rose grams for $1.50.. she gave many beautifully bloomed flowers for half the price. Its the thought that counts? Ooh yeah.. but some people are known for being mad at certain thoughtless presents. Its the holidays.. the times of exchanging presents with the joys of surprising each other. My favorite was Julia's tea candle lamp. Its a lamp for those mini candles. I fell in love with it and decided that it was my inspiration for writing late at night.. since I tend to do that a lot lately. Im going to shut down every single light in my room.. and only light that candle as an illumination over my paper.

I made Shami like Leona Naess. At first Jane wanted to see it.. so I showed her the song key that was on back. Then Shami instead, took it and thought it was strange that the songs had 'moods'. So shes like.. "Okaay.. I want this CD." Although "Charm Attack" make me hyper and happy, its really a depressive hopeless about-guys song. Its all sticky beat and light guitar so its easily stuck in my head but impossible to sing unless I memorize every single word. Anyway... I made lots of Leona Naess layouts in the past. Now its Tori Amos. "Bliss" is the best beside the others. Now Im just craving for something happy yet, darkish. Hmm.. suggestions?

My lit teacher gave me a hug after I turned to her happily (probably relieved) saying "Happy Holidays" and all of a sudden shes happy and pulled me in for a hug. It was strange since she hardly even knew me even if I was in the class. I doubt she even knows my name. It was a one handed hug, which felt so motherly that I felt comforted.. but then again, shes my teacher.. the toughest one.. the same teacher that made tests so hard that I've failed every single one. Then today, shes like, "I know I've been know to be strict, but its just because I care about every single one of you." Have you ever know a teacher like that? I recalled my 8th grade English teacher which everyone thought was tough.. and he turned out to be one of my favorites since he made me learn.. he made me write better. I wrote "The Bloody Knife" which, I admit was one of the best stories I have ever written. (Maybe someday I'll post it up.. but then its strangely psychotic since I wrote it when I was 13) I still managed an A in ALL quarters though. I had NEVER gotten lower than an A in English. Whats happening now?

We made ice cream in chem honors. All of the chem honors classes made it. It had simple ingredients: half & half, sugar, vanilla extract. Then, since we didnt have a freezer, we used crushed ice. We put that in one gallon bags and added rock salt to make it even colder. We put the small bag with the ingredients in it.. and pushed and turned the bag constantly until it solidified. It wasnt completely solid.. but it was close enough. It was like ice cream that had been sitting out of the freezer for a minute... on the verge of melting. I loved vanilla ice cream.. thats why I loved mine. We could have added red or blue dyes.. but picture bright blue ice cream.. well.. it'd be nice to eat anyway :)

I was reading Merilily's diary about how she had gone through a dozen funerals since 1992. I had only been through one my whole life. Perhaps there were deaths that I havent heard of.. but I still hoped that the last funeral would be the last I go to in a long time. I'd hope.. since I still have the imagery thats been haunting me every time I sleep. No, its not nightmares.. but its just photographic *shots* of what I saw.. played in an entirely different way that created psychotic problems in my mind. I was so paranoid that I wore my mini dream catcher choker. Besides, I still shudder whenever I see her picture.. and I realized that I *still* havent said aloud to anyone about her death. Its just something that Im not able to say, like a lot of other things that had been bothering me for the past month..

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