object of unpreposition
(2000-12-17) 23:21:55
I had a slight headache since last night. Whenever I tried to stand, I could feel the blood rushing away, and the pain becomes more evident. I thought lying down would relieve me of it, but as soon as I got up, it appears again. I decided just not to get up in all, but I couldnt get myself to sleep and Im just lying there unmoving for the longest time until I decided I really needed to do something else. Im still recovering from my lack of sleep. Tiredness and sleepiness are two separate things. I tried to sleep this morning but my mind only let me sleep for an hour or so until I find myself with my eyes open staring at the ceiling. I couldnt move for awhile until I realized that it was 1pm and I should move out of my bed. I had too many things to do. I dont know whats my problem exactly and what prompted me to go to this sleepover anyway since I really felt like being alone. Although I knew some certain people would kill me since I did in fact promise.. I really didnt feel like talking to anyone. I just hated not being able to control myself at the exact moment Im doing something. But then again, I remember telling someone that time passed really quickly and one moment I might be doing something.. but then its only one little moment.. and it passes by really quickly. The rest are the past and the future to think about. Still.. I cant stand not knowing what Im going to feel and do next. Im not prepared for what I do.. and I'd end up hurting someone *sigh*
My problems are nonexistant.. I really cant remember what is it that made me cry.. what is it that made me hate waiting for the future. I knew I was stressing over something.. but what? I could go through my list of problems.. but its just pointless.. What did I want anyway? I know I wanted something. I wanted to be happy, I knew that.. but what makes me happy? I dont know. Blech.
I just dont know anything. I dont know what I should do with myself... I hate and love myself.. but also.. I cant stand myself. Everything is always MY fault.. so Im not even feeling sorry for whats happened to me. Everyone else has their own problems and I feel bad Im even complaining about this. Actually... what am I even complaining about? Nothing. Nothing? Yes...unfortunately.. my lifes just nothing.
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