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So I've got my first hostee, Paperdoll. Around an year ago, I was desperately searching for a host for my site.. Then, I was hosted by gURLpages..and it wasn't very reliable.. and it just had to stick ad frames to my frames page. And now I am in the "host" position looking for hostees. Thats really the easy part. I hate being strict on what I want.. I just want to accept anyone because part of wanting a domain is also helping other people as well.

*sigh* Internet sucks some times. Although its my own little haven from the real world, its actually scarier online where no one knows me.. and no one could HEAR me. :( Its okay though that no one can see me because no one will be scared away.. but, then again, vice versa. (no, just kidding) I want to know all of you.. you, the readers. And I wished I know. I wish I could combine my real life with internet life. But none of my friends are really into the internet things. Most are just into chatting on AIM and such.. I don't even go on AIM much anymore.. [I know because my friends complain that I don't.. even though I'm online way more than them]

But you see, it's also on the internet I've made my greatest achievements.. you know, with Comatised.com, poetry contests, and just really building websites.. (I've never had so much dedication to anything before)

I've spent so long writing in these online diaries that I've become numb to the words I'm using. I forget people may interpret words different from me.. because no one can really know the tone. Sorry.. over these years, my carelessness have shown with these choices.

But I need to write. I've got to say something out. And I feel better that people are actually reading these words. Although I am not writing especially for the reader, its just a comforting thought. That people appreciate what you are doing. For me, its design and these writing attempts. I'd think.. wow, are people actually enjoying this?

Thats why I've got multiple diaries. I've got two on diaryland alone.. then another three elsewhere.. which you'd have to find yourself :) But, I've got more hits here than any other diary so I write here more frequently than others. If I've got this urge to babble on and on.. I'm more likely to write in the more private diaries.. Then I have one for my private thoughts... that's the other one at diaryland, and you have probably come across and you dont even know it. It really doesnt sound like me, but thats the point.. to travel across unended bounderies. Then another one just for my real life friends,just as a news update to them... you see how it works? Ack, I know I'm crazy for spending so much time writing, but I've got to.. or else.. I don't know or else.

Its all a real mess, really but as long as it works. I know its really killing me, the amount of time I spend on here.. mainly the times that I sit here, undecided about what to do on here. (thats the worst feeling, being bored when you're really not supposed to be bored) And I'd go on feeling guilty again that I should be doing something else; not sitting in front of the computer wanting to do something but not knowing what.

The satisfactory thing to do is download more songs on Napster but my cousin just told me a horror story about how police raided people's houses searching for the downloaded Napster. Then I found out its another country.. and I'm like, yeah, of course that would never happen in America... this soo democratic country. That doesnt stop the fact that its illegal and immoral.. and violating those copyright laws, etc. Still, its the best thing thats happened to me: discovering new music without buying anything. Really, teens like me are not rich. But we should have the same listening rights as others right? We NEED music. Radios arent enough.

Okay, how did I get from diaries to Napster? Oh well, I'm down to full-blown babble now. This is usually my writing style on my other journal.. oh pfft, same thing. If you cant take it.. well, you dont know me then because I just ramble on and on and on with so much run on sentences. If my lit teacher sees this, she'd have a heart attack for sure, especially since she's spending so much time teaching us grammar, saying a high school student *should* know all these grammar things. Look at ME! Yes, me with so much grammar mistakes.

Oh, that reminds me, she's the same teacher that makes us drop a quarter in these cans if you swear (say bad words such as bitch, ass, damn, shit etc.) and also for people who say "like" repeatedly..she can't stand those people. (who can?) And on Friday, she bought the whole class donuts out of those two cans.. a miracle amount of $6.32.. (yes, people cheated and put cents instead) She said that wasnt enough for the donuts and filled the rest with her own money. So this girl that sits next to me says, "Would you like me to swear more?" And later my friend goes up to the can and drops some quarters saying, "Yeah, I've got to pay my dues." Funny class.

For a second, my mind was blank there. Actually, its still blank. So yeah, thats it. Thats what happens if you stay in all day at home on a rainy day. I should be able to go out and run or something. Splash some puddles and stand in the rain to get soaking wet so I could strip for my hot shower. What? Err, okay, I'm going to go now.

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