index� archives� notes� profile� rings� design� diaryland

Oh my. I just recieved an invitation to participate in diary Survivors. But, wait.. isn't it only for Diary-x people? Go see.. it's at Survivor.diary-x.com

I hate reminding myself that I'm really not what I think I am.. at least, not what other people think. I'd feel great and dance around in my hyper way.. but then I'd take one glance in the mirror at myself and feel sick because I look so horrible.. so horrible that I can't stand it. I'll think.. gosh.. is this what other people see of me? How can they stand how I look like?

(sigh) Well.. I went to the library to find that book I had to do a book report on.. I could choose any book that was "appropriate" and by any author that's not American. (because we're doing World literature) So I picked out "Donald Duk" by Frank Chin because my friend had talked about it before.. and I just got that. I read the first parts of it.. and it was.. strange. Maybe I wasn't used to this particular style of writing. It's rather jumpy, and leaves us, the readers to figure out parts of the missing text.

It's really hilarious the way I see it. "Donald Duk" is actually the name of the 12 year old main character in the book.. and you can see why that is funny. (How he relates to the Disney character? Hmm?) It tells of how he hates being Chinese and made fun of.. He lives in San Francisco, which I've been to numerous times in my lifetime.. my lifetime of living only less than an hour away. Its funny how he portrays people.. let me assure you. Not all Chinese people are that funny in character. I wouldn't know though.. I'm not Cantonese or whatever.

Anyway. I also borrowed two books by Francesca Lia Block.. whoohoo. She's the most awesomest author in the whole wide world. Yes, I'm aware that is bad grammer, but who cares.. heh. The books are "Witch Baby" and "Hangman". Wait.. is it? I'm too lazy to look at those titles again. She has a lovely strategy of writing. I WANT to write like her. The style is so subtle amidst the story, but you can feel what she's getting at.

I was originally introduced to her books by one of my best friends.. by reading "Girl Goddess #9" It had several stories within one book.. and it was just amazing. It talked about teenagers.. troubled teens.. it explored feelings that everyone had never dared to share. Gay teens. Little girl insecurity. ALL of them in one tiny book. I swear, it's the book of life. There really is no limits in her books.. she's not afraid to write those feelings thats often unsaid. It shocked me at first, but I realized that its normal.. its just that we don't often voice our feelings that openly.

(sigh) I am unsatisfied with everything.. I hate the whole perfectionist thing. I visited one of my old online friend's site.. Chaoticgirl.net.. Oh wow. It was absolutely beautiful. She's amazing! I met her last year.. she was a fellow hostee at Rebelferret.net, the first site I was ever hosted at. And she was the only person that really responded to me there, and we talked on ICQ. Now I deleted that whole program.. and everyone just sort of moved out of Rebelferret, and see the result? She got a domain.. I WON a domain.. and here we are now.

Except she's doing so much better updating her designs. I just have a lack of creativity.. I can't design lately.. or think of a design. I'm just sitting here.. thinking ooooh well. There will be a chance. But I can't make those beautiful graphics! I tried using Adobe Photoshop, but I STILL don't understand how to use it. So I just use simple Paint Shop Pro, which I've mastered over a period of an year. And I'd think well.. I'll do a *special* layout for my 16th birthday that is coming up. I probably won't even do it.. but that's what I am promising myself..

So look for a whole new makeover soon.. for my sweet 16. If I can get to it..

previous & next