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Of all the colors in the world, why is he wearing orange?!?! I didnt even recognize the back of him like I usually would.. but then again, maybe its because I havent seen much of him lately.. So Im staring at the guy with orange sweater and he turns around and its him! *gasp* I cant believe hes living up to his name.

I remembered when I had a fake boyfriend. His name was Jay because I couldnt think of a better nickname. He had a little car which I imagined to be blue but its really grayish. He was 5'7 because I was only 5'2 and changed from the old spiked hair to a longish black hair that touch actually touch his forehead. It somehow sweeps over his head when hes happyish and hyper and puffs out when its pushed back when hes aggravated. Oh did I mention he doesnt have an age? Since its umm, undefined? This was all in my naiveness of last year.. seen through the same innocent eyes of this year. I thought hes all gone from my memory since hes all imaginary and things. Nevertheless hes returned to my mind.. unheard of to others.. What a coincidence.. since its that time of the year.. *coughs*

Ok, so he doesnt really exist right now.. uhh, does he? Do I have to touch a person to see if he exists? So if hes imaginary why does he affect me? Ooh, its just a figment of my imagination again, and Im just confusing myself.. like what Im doing to you.. haha. You're enjoying this arent you? Hey, its friday and I've consumed waaay too much caffeine. Those See's milk-chocolate bars really do some damage. So discard what I had said up there.. I just felt like I needed to get that out.. I just dont know what Im talking about :)

I actually wished I liked him.. hes a nice guy and all but the problem is that I knoooow him. That puts everything out of porportion doesnt it? Hes in 3 of my classes (uuh, does aiding count?) and hes a sweetie *but* grr he also makes me angry. About what he said about girls? Ooh hes a shallow freak, thats all.. but I still love him (uhh, just not in that way) and stuff.. Hes a bit fickle so I turned not to really trust him with my ideas and things but hes an idiot so it doesnt really matter. All guys are idiots.. wait, haha, never mind. Its not like hes really stupid, but he doesnt try.. doesnt try to understand like most people. Somehow he still remains my friend.. whatever reason that may be. Who else could I talk to anyway? Blech.

Lalaaaalaa *sings* I've been singing a lot lately. Today I should because its Friday and I've gone through the week without falling apart.. its been hard since, well my mothers gone.. my dads gone (most of the day anyway) and my brothers gone (uhh, 50% besides school) so Im all alone. Yes, Im at a legal age to stay home alone for a while without supervision, but that doesnt relieve my nightmares and visions does it? Im paranoid, I really am, but you see the reasons? Theres too many things going on, and I guess my minds isnt functioning very well and had gotten everything confused. I'd mistake my friend for another person, and I'd call someone else by another name. Then I wouldnt recognize people at first.. until finally when I had begun to focus and realized that in fact I do know the person. Poor peoples.. I feel sorry for ANYONE that has to put up with me today... :)

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