fly away from the mountains
(2001-03-24) 11:12 p.m.
It is 11:11pm. Okay.. a minute ago it had been. I wished for.. happiness. I closed my eyes and sincerely wished for that. Because.. that's all I want right now. Happiness for me.. and happiness for others. Are people liking the layout? I'm not sure.. since I've only gotten around two comments on it? And I think it's just on my old design. Hmmph. I need more feedback! I am so feedback greedy. I hate when I get like this.. talking about these meaningless things. But my life is meaningless. I really have no purpose. What would the purpose be if I just wander around doing nothing in particular.. only doing the things that I'm told to do? I fear the future so much.. but I don't give anything in to myself in order to have a great future. The problem? Well, I don't know what I am supposed to do. So I am afraid. Someone said (in their diary) that all she does is wait.. wait.. is that what life is about? And I'm just thinking.. I'm even too afraid to wait. I'm afraid of what might happen. Because I've experienced too much. I hate how things come unexpectedly. I know that somehow we control our lives.. but when other things happen to you, it's out of your control. And I guess I can't stand it when there's something I can't control. I already can't stand my imperfect life.. my imperfect work.. how can I stand this outlook? The only thing I can control? Well, the things I do. That's why I enjoy writing. And designing. It's a direct product of me.. something I can fully control. I hate how my life just spins away from me. It seems like there's a force steering me away from my destination. (sigh) I want to just.. jump of a mountain and fly. Fly away to through the clouds.
previous & next
|