index� archives� notes� profile� rings� design� diaryland

I cant believe that I'm actually procrastinating on this. Whenever things become too daily.. I guess I just feel like.. well, I'll do it later, since I feel like I must.

Am I crazy? This is what I like to do. Write. Its not like its anything like school work or anything like that. Its just rambles of nothingness in my mind. And I give myself the excuse that.. well, I have nothing to write. I have writer's block.

Maybe I do.. but I dont think it really exists. Your mind is constantly thinking.. and I'll just write about anything in my head. And look what I am writing now. About that because I really have nothing else to write. I am not forcing myself.. I'm alone and have nothing to do. Its awful being so cold and freezing.. and so alone inside your house.

This may sound strange.. but that actor, playing Pertruchio in "The Taming of the Shrew" film we saw in class, bothers me! No.. I mean.. his chuckle bugs me.. I'm not insane, I swear. Its so.. provocative.. and so, well, annoying. No, I am NOT the only person that commented on it. The person who sits next to me in class says so too. And he's a guy, so there. :) I know that chuckle reminds me of someone.. but maybe its just someone in a movie or something. Grr, really, I hate this. Always finding connections but never know what exactly is it.

Its another Friday. *groans* Did time pass so fast in the past? (whoa.. that seems like a tongue twister type thing) I remember that time used to pass soo slowly when I was younger. An year seemed so long. But then, that was probably because I was young and I have a low attention span. Probably. But now.. times whipping by just like that. And it seems like I've been on the internet for 10 years instead of just 2 and a half years. Hmm.

The strange thing is.. when Im thinking of the moment's time right now... it seems really long. Because I'm actually living through it. And it just seems like whenever the time is long, I never do anything productive. I just sit around and let time pass... which I really regret later because I'll realize that I need that time! But you know.. time just goes.. and sometimes I just dont feel like going..

I told my friend once (over last summer after my cruise trip) that there is only one little moment that we're living through now.. and the rest are all the past and the future. And to demonstrate, I waved a stroke of my hand, and say that once I do this, its over... and its in the past. And then we await the future. We just leave the past behind. Its such a scary thought when I think of it that way. Like.. there's only a tiny moment we live through.. and how you cant go back to the past to correct something.

Its not like when you are walking and you drop something and you go back to pick it up. If only time was like that. Freeze time.. go back a few hours and fix things. No. We go on.. and we'd make mistakes and somehow.. make it right in the future. The future always holds a certain hope because you never know what happens.

The future is so vast.. anything can happen. I used to be scared. Maybe I still am. I want to be in control, but somehow it never happens that way. Whenever I expect something, the opposite happens. I'm tired of playing guessing games, you know? I just want to live without thinking about that. Its just the future and me..one on one. Who's going to win?

Did I just ask that?

Its the Friday madness, I tell you. Fridays. And back to this subject. What has happened this week? Not much. But I am content with the week.. its been a week of productiveness.. and no more awful depression.. those SAD syndrome I had been talking about.. because the sun has been out. For a while, it had actually been warm. (gasp) But today, it has been one of those borderline days.. where its half cloudy-ish and sunny.

In the morning, the sky was absolutely beautiful though. I told my friend that it looked like one of those picture studio backgrounds.. the ones they use to shoot pictures. It was a blend of clouds and the blue sky. So blended it was like the blue sky had an even white mist on it. Beautiful.

Well. I sold a whole bag of lollipops for the juniors in less than 24 hours. Amazing huh? Well... these are really easy to sell out for some reason. They are more expensive (50cents) but they are really tasty. They have interesting flavors.. like caramel butter popcorn, mint chocolate and cherry limeade.. (the popcorn one tastes really BAD though). But.. they are really huge and they take too long to finish. I bought three of my own even though I really ate only one. I threw away my popcorn one because it taste HORRIBLE, and my dad ate one without buying, so I had to buy him one too.

And so I'm done.. I sold 15 alone during one period of class.. the strange thing is that I only sold one to a junior.. and I'm selling it for their class! Okay.. so I am not a junior... so why am I selling it for them. Well.. because I'm nice :) Haha, whatever. Who am I kidding? Actually.. my history teacher lured us into selling it for the juniors because she's the juniors' advisor, and said that if we sell it for them, we'll get extra credit. Whoohoo ;) And I needed to make up for the worksheet that I "forgot" to turn in. (Really.. I didn't KNOW that I had to turn it in) Because well.. I have a C in the class :(

I'm in a pretty nice mood at least. I don't care if I see him all the time or whoever. I finally decided it was kind of amusing how I talk about him like this. I'd see him, and I'd freak out and say... "OMG, I saw him..." Well.. guess what? I didnt see him today. In French, I got his activity book, and thats it.. but I still feel that he's haunting me. I never figured out why he makes me squirm.. because no other person in the world does that to me.. but I dont really want to know now.

Then that other person, Alex. He's a big fat question mark.. yes he is. What is he? Exactly that. I don't know what he is. I dont squirm when I see him. I just.. well.. see him. He looks at me and doesnt talk, and when he does talk, he doesnt exactly look at me, so I dont know when he's talking to me. And then, he goes off and does other confusing things. Like.. walks around in circles in class. (Seriously. He'd get up in the middle of Chem and walk around) And you remember how he stabbed me in the head with a fake lobster. (Oh wait.. thats Zerksubkwejriu, oops)

And the thing is.. none of my friends know about this. I think that one of my friends know both of them.. but I dont tell them. They think I am crazy. Because, maybe I am. They dont know what to call this. For me.. its always been normal relationships, you know.. like either a boyfriend or a boy friend. For me.. its a boy enemy. Ha. Noo.. more like a boy..question mark. Um... lets not go back to that now.

Well, thats quite enough to spit out in one entry. Good night.

previous & next