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We are starting a poetry unit in Lit, and I am silently cheering. Finally there is something that amuses me, that secretly interests me. Maybe I'll get motivated so I could actually work. (gasps) Work and I do not relate, I know. Even one of my best friends say that she's surprised that I can actually work! Because I am so damn lazy and I can never get anything done.. she knows this because she tried to study with me for the SATs once and that just didn't work. I would just rather sleep. Poor her. She had to make those flashcards while watching me drool all over the floor out of tiredness..

Hmm.. Snapple iced tea tastes MUCH better than Nestea.. it has more of a tea-ish taste. Nestea just tastes like Sugar. Well, I know.. usually I'd cheer for sugary flavored things, but it's just pointless to drink sugar water. Even soda of any origin fail to satisfy my taste buds. I think that I have too many in fact, that I am too picky about the tastes of anything. Right now, I am savoring the taste of the lovely lemon flavored iced tea, Snapple. I think the peach flavored tastes better.. but anyway. Its something. The sugar components is making my head swirl. Maybe that's a good thing.

Did you know that I almost died yesterday? Well, that's what S says (I'm getting into the habit of only putting the first letters of peoples' names.. even if it doesn't do much for privacy anyway). Ms. G just happens to mention that you're close to dying everytime you hiccup.. because your heart skips a beat. The subject is only brought up because we were analyzing a poem called, "Hiccups". Lovely. So I was close to death too. Has anyone died from a hiccup? Hmm, that's a thought.

Well, I think I survived school; this first day back from an one week vacation. I made myself not suffer.. because well, it'd be more horrible if I allowed myself to see the miseries, right? Oh, I'd rather lie about these circumstances.. there's always a bright side. I can always hide that other dark side. I was mad because vacation had passed so quickly. It's like.. why bother having a vacation at all? So, I think about the classes I have now and how fast this is going to pass too. I'd think that this is the same passing time so it's okay. At least I am in class progressing; working to be exact, not at home rotting away as I stare at the computer screen. I'd like to feel like I am being production; being at school is somewhat productive to my standards.. even if I hate it at most times. School gets me into a schedule and that's what I need right now.

If I don't think about the bright side, I'd be horrified and break down at the sight of the schedule of this week. There is no "late" start this week.. yes. No going to school at 9:15am on Wednesday because we are going to have STAR testings. I remembered last years'.. it was miserably disappointing. I got a 99 (the highest score possible) on Spelling. (laugh at me) I got a 40 something in the Science area.. which was a horrible score. (but that was because I accidently marked in the wrong area and had to transfer it again in the right area.. but I ran out of time..) And yet, our school got really great scores.. we made it into the top Ten of high schools in the state. Did you know that the school gets punished if we get worse scores? And also rewarded for high scores? They didn't even reward our school for getting great scores last year.. there was the energy crisis and I guess the state ran out of money. Basically.. we get punished if we do bad and don't get anything if we do good. Great.

So today, we checked into advisory so the information would be passed around about the testing. We had assigned seats, which were arranged alphabetically. I am the last person on the list.. har. Why does my name have to start with a "Y" anyway? Then Mr. F (our advisory teacher, who just happens to be a chem teacher) passed out free food "tickets". He says that the principal hopes us to do the best and wants to "reward" us for our cooperation for this schedule of testing. What the hell? And Mr. F says, "In other words, he's bribing you." True enough. They can get pretty desperate. It's all on us students. *smiles*

Unfortunately.. these scores are going on our transcripts. That means that the colleges are probably going to look at it more than the SATs (which I am going to take anyway on June 2nd) Not that I am going to do any better on the SATs.. but it's another hope. Who knows how well I am going to do? I will not stress. I will not make it harder for myself. I think I have paid attention.. and so I should be able to not do so bad.. hopefully.

Besides, there are other things to stress about. Like.. history. (groans) There is an essay exam. (again) Even in Lit, we don't have any essay exams. Only once there was a timed essay but that was a practice for the writing proficiency exam thing. I got an A on that one. *smiles* But that was the ONLY A I got.. On the last history essay, I got a D+. Great. I'm horrible at essays.. especially on subjects like history. Last time, it was communism.. (no explanation needed). I just explained how communism does not work.. which is a dead-end, I know.

I don't have time to update or write much in these online diaries. At least, I shouldn't. I shouldn't spend so much time browsing through here. I think that was the problem last semester.

I saw J. This is purely accidental, because you know that I don't look for him. Not anymore. I don't even try to find him so that I can avoid him. That's just not what I do anymore. So I was staring into space. (I realized that it was more prevalent than I thought) And my eyes landed on his, which was sideways away from me. I was like..wait.. that can't possibly be him. But it is. I recognized his eyes. I didn't think it'd be him because he got a haircut and he looks like an idiot. No. He's always been an idiot.

Okay. This person, Holly, from the S. Cemetery called to ask for my dad. I'm shuddering from the thought.. I don't understand just whyyy anyone would work in a cemetery.. I don't think that she is a caretaker, but one of those people working in those offices. But then again.. I never understood the people working in a mortuary. (shivers) But, those people are needed in this world even if no one wants to do it.. it's one of those unspoken professions. I wonder what is wrong.. I hope nothing is wrong. I have all these graphic images in my head now that I am too embarassed to describe. *blushes* I need to repeat things to myself.. my imagination is taking over me again.

I think I am reliving those moments again. After around five months, some things still haven't sunk in to my hard skull. Facts that I did not care to think about.. or even want to. (sigh) I gues now it's haunting me. I cannot avoid the truth..

Well, I will continue on.. to do my French work now, which is to read the articles in the French book, the book that I do not have. *frowns* Why don't I have it anyway? Oh well.. I'll just have to suffer for now.

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