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Today I drew a lot of smiley faces. They all have big and unusual smiles.. some even showing teeth, much like this =D. Maybe I should call them laughy faces.. yaya's laughy faces. Yeah. I wish I could draw one for you right now. But it doesn't matter. It's all fake anyway.

Someday I am going to be happy and everything's going to be all right. That's the message behind those warped mouths. Can you imagine always smiling like that? Yes, with your mouth wide open showing two sets of teeth. Hmm.. I did smile like that once. But it was only because I HAD to. Yeah. The orthodontist needed a visual for my teeth after I took off the braces two years ago. I was beautiful then. Because I smiled like this ;D

I think my mother just became aware that my birthday is coming up. I heard her saying something about 24, and I knew she was talking about me. But whatever. Today is actually one of my friends' birthday. She turned 15. She is younger than all of us. *weeps* I don't want to grow up. Leave my fifteen mark of childhoodness. I want to cry all I want. I want to laugh all I want. But for some reason, sixteen is special. She talked about my birthday present, and I was silent.

And while I was being silent, my mother kept persisting. Her question is inquiring what I want exactly for my birthday. Money? Anything? She brought up a money amount and I brought a pillow over my head. I don't want to hear it. So she waited for me to answer. She was so sure that I'd take up on the money offer. Because well, teenagers are supposed to be greedy. I was still silent. And she got annoyed. Finally, I got up crying that I don't want any of the damn money. I don't want anything. Nothing.

I just want to live my remaining childhood in happiness. So I'd live up to my laughy faces. Is that too much to ask for? Why the hell is it so hard? Money annoys me. I just hate it when my mother speaks of her precious money like it's worth so much. What can that money buy anyway? What can I buy? If I buy it, I'd still be unsatisfied. No matter what I get, its still the same. So why bother..

I think I've been spoiled too much when I was little. Do you know how much I've been spoiled? No. I remembered those days when I lived with my grandmother. She took care of me, and I'd get occasional 'visits' from my parents. And they spoil me like crazy. I know. It's kind of the opposite of whats supposed to happen. My grandmother is supposed to spoil me, not my parents. But then, I got back with my family and all is well. Yeah.

Strange things happen when I am not paying attention. You know how I'm all drugged up in my drowsiness. I came in Chemistry in yawning tears. Bonnie asked, "Are you crying?" Mark asked, "Are you on drugs?" Of course he was joking, but Bonnie was serious. I looked like I was crying just because I yawned like five times in a row. Then I ended up doing Mark's French homework. How ironic. I don't even do my OWN French homework and I do his? Well, he's in French 2, so it's quite easy for me. Then Chem starts and I steal Bonnie's blue glasses and everything went blue. Blue is a nice color. Then another guy asks for help on his French homework and I realized that it was the same worksheet. And I did it anyway because I thought it was so easy. I don't even recall doing it last year. Heh. I'm stopping French this year anyway. Au Revoir.

That reminds me. We're watching "Au Revoir, Les Enfants" in French and I don't want to see it. I accidently stumbled into a page in the French book that tells what will HAPPEN in the film. And it's really really sad. The Jews that were in hiding in the Catholic private school gets discovered.. and it just wasn't pleasant. The boys get sent to Aushwitz or something and eventually dies.. grr. I HATE those kind of movies. But French movies always have sad endings. At least "Life is beautiful" isn't THAT depressing because the mother lives. But all holocaust era movies are on the sad side.

I said a wrong thing to my mother. She was complaining about how she didn't eat lunch until at 4pm because she didn't have time. I said automatically, "Don't worry, I didn't even eat lunch at all." And I'm like, oops. I thought she'd get all mad or something because she gave me all this money and I don't eat lunch. I added that I did indeed buy a drink.. so I really didn't eat "nothing". I had.. well, sugar. Yes. So she asks WHY didn't I eat. I said that I just didn't have time. She's like, HA, YOU don't have TIME? *glares* Does she know how much work I need to do? I even have more work than my brother since he's done with his AP exams and such.

Speaking of which.. as we were driving home (err, heading toward home, getting out of the student parking lot) a car passed by and a guy stuck his head and hands out. He raised both middle fingers at us. I was so preoccupied that I didn't even notice until he nearly fully passed by. I'm like.. what the hell? He went by so fast that I wasn't sure if it was at us.. or someone really really near us. That face looked quite familiar. Who is it? Where have I seen him before? It was just a flash I saw..

I finished my portfolio. Kind of. I hope I am. I just didn't post my picture on because for some reason I don't have individual pictures of me. Isn't that strange? I only have pictures of me with other people. Never fully alone. La. But anyway. I am quite proud of my portfolio. I feel like I'm having a conversation with Ms. Stenseth. You see, I never talk to her. I feel like I saved it all up in the portfolio writings and such. I spoke out all my anger. All the things that bothered me. And all the HELL I had to go through to do her projects. And sometimes say that I had fun. I hope she won't be THAT offended.

I am evil. But, hey. She asked for it. If she fails me.. well, eh. Something. =

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