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stolen promises of friendship
(2001-03-22) 09:58 p.m.

Alright. I still don't know who started this whole thing. *glares*

Today, at least 8 people (or somewhere around there) came up to me and asked.. "I heard you are taking 4 AP classes!! ARE YOU CRAZY!" Or somewhere about that line. Um. Isn't that MY business? Why is it spread ALL around? And its not 4. It's two. Here's my schedule:

American Lit/Writ
AP US History
AP Statistics
An. Geom/Calculus
Art 2
Journalism/Magazine

Ugh. And people (okay, ONE person..) told me, "Yeah, I heard you're taking AP Comp. Sci." What the..? When did I say that? Why are people making stuff up about me? Okay.. so its not really bad, but I hate it when people gab on about you and its not even true. Who KNOWS what else people say..

I was totally paranoid today that EVERYONE was talking about me. I don't have many enemies. Okay, maybe just one. And it's really my fault.

You see, it's this girl who had been my best friend in 6th period. "Best" friend. And what kind of friend is she when she went around decieving people by making up things that aren't true about other people to me and vice versa? For example, she'd tell me that my other friend is a bitch, and we shouldn't trust her. (Of course I believed her then.) Then she went and told that friend that I hated her, and therefore, we hated each other. She literally destroyed that friendship.

Of course in junior high, I realized that she had been telling a lie... when she had went away to another school. Then I became friends again with that friend I had been friends before...before *she* broke us apart. Its really messed up, I know. But.. thats how it went.. and thats why I'm so distrustful these days.

And now she goes to my high school. Glaring at me. She thinks I can't see, but I can. When I was selling lollipops beside my friend who was selling it also, she pretended I didn't exist and ask my *friend* for a lollipop. And there I was, standing like a complete idiot with my lollipops. It's not that that bothers me. But its HER. I almost feel embarassed for her. She thinks she's so amazingly cool.. but she's just not. And a lot of people have told me they don't like her very much because of her attitude. I try to refrain from talking about her to other people because I hate spreading this.

Sometimes I want to talk to her to clarify some things.. but she's not like my other logical friends. I'm almost.. afraid. Why? Because I really don't know her AT ALL. After that year, I realized all she did was tell lies.. so I never really found out what she was really made of. Maybe she really was a good person.. but how can I tell beneath those lies???

So I'd think of what things she might say about me. But then I realize its pointless, really. Those past things happened 4 years ago. Does it matter anymore? What things CAN she say about me? And if people are really my friends, they wouldn't CARE, right?

Anyway. Thats why I never had these problems with rumors. No one wants to bother with me. Why would anyone want to talk about me? And all of a sudden, everyone's talking about my outrageous schedule. And its not even TRUE. When I asked WHO told them.. everyone told me a different person. It's impossible to tell who started it.

I still have that theory of invisibility. I realized that I can be invisible at school. I just won't talk to anyone.. and no one can really see me. If I pretend that I'm not really there, I'm not. If I ignore someone, they're not there. And school life would be so much simpler, huh? Without me in it.

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